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06 June 2010 @ 07:34 pm
If you could present any award at the MTV Movie Awards, which one would you want to present? Which celeb would you want up on stage with you?

I would love to be able to present the award for Movie of the Year.
Annd I would like to think that  New Moon would win!!!!
I really want to met Taylor Lautner in person! 
10 February 2010 @ 05:07 pm
It's been so long since I've been on here.
After I went to Arkansas with my boyfriend in July, I didn't have internet anymore.
I actually moved back to Illinois in December. I wasn't happy about being in Arkansas.

The only reason I moved to Arkansas was because I wanted to be with J.
I really didn't want to move there. Everything I know is right here.

Arkansas was a big change. J and I were together everyday. It was amazing.
I wasn't used to that, because we had never lived together before.
Somedays it bothered me, because I thought it was too much time together.

Now that we're back in Illinois, our relationship has taken a big turn.
When we first came back here, I was having soo much fun with him.
I felt like we were at our best in our relationship.
I know, he really didn't want to come back here, but he did it for me.
Knowing that really gave me a different view of things.
He really does love me and want to be with me, right?! - - IDK.

I got a job recently. Working at the same place I was working before.
I really didn't want to go back to work there, but I knew I had to.
I need a job, and I don't need to listen to my grandma b@#$% about it.
I've only been working a week. I'm actually happy about it, for now. Ahhaha.

J seems to never be home anymore. He's always leaving to go to his friends.
When he was first doing this, it wasn't a big deal. He still spent time with me.
Now, I feel like he's NEVER here. He wakes up and leaves and comes home when I'm asleep.

I don't really understand what he's thinking. How can he think it's okay.
I really do try to talk to him and let him know how I'm feeling.
Maybe I do it in the wrong way, because he gets so defensive and walks away.
All I want to do is make things right. He doesn't want to listen to me.

I want him to understand that him being gone all the time doesn't help US!
Our relationship is going down hill, because he doesn't think he has to be here.
I can understand that he likes to play video games. He thinks it's a hobby.
I really don't think it's a hobby. And it's my fault he thinks that. I told him that.
A hobby is something someone does in their spare time.
A hobby is not suppose to get in the way of other things you're suppose to do.
A hobby is not suppose to ruin a relationship. He let's these things happen.
I really don't think he thinks about these things.
I truly think that he thinks he can do anything he wants,
because he thinks that I won't leave him and nothing will happen.
That's sooo not true. He really needs a wake up call.

I'm getting to the point were I don't know what to do anymore.
When I say something to him, he puts up a defensive wall and doesn't listen.
When I come home from work and he's not here, I go our bedroom and just cry.
I'm not happy, because I don't get to see the person I want to. The person I love.

I try to tell him I want to spend time with him. He doesn't like doing what I like.
There's soo many other things we can do together. He just doesn't think of them.
He likes to watch movies, so why can't we watch them on the TV and not on his Computer.
We can go somewhere together, that doesn't have to do with playing video games.
[He always says I can go with him to his friends house, but all they do is play VG's
Why would I want to go over there and watch his play games. It's not fun for me.]

All I really want is our relationship to be a good one. I want it to be amazing!
I have needs too, that he doesn't think to do or worry about.
I want him to be around he more. I want him to spend time with ME!
I want him to show me that he loves me, besides saying that he does.
I want him to show me that he cares about me, even when HE THINKS I'm being a !@%&#.
Why can't I be the one he wants to be around all the time?
It really does upset me, and it makes me cry.
I would do anything to be with him, and he doesn't put in any effort.
The scale is not even. He's way down there and I'm way up there.
I try to do things for him, and he doesn't care. He doesn't do anything.

I really don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to handle this.
And I don't know what I'm suppose to do if things don't get any better.
I really don't want us to have to end things. That the last thing I want.

What more can I do? What more can I say? What am I suppose to do?
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Who I Am - Nick Jonas & The Administration
29 June 2009 @ 04:04 pm
Over the weekend.. Well, on Saturday, I went with my boyfriend and his mom to their family reunion. I really didn't want to go, but I figured it'd be nice for me to. After we left the house and started driving there I got really nervious. Once I got there, I saw soo many freaking people I didn't know! It was a little overwhelming. But once I actually started to talk to people I started having fun. I'm really glad I went. It kind of makes me feel more comfortable going to Arkansas this week.
Current Location: My Aunts House
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
25 June 2009 @ 02:58 pm
I don't have internet at my house anymore. My dog also chewed up my charger for my laptop. Now I can even charge my fucking laptop. It pisses me off!
I haven't wrote in here in about two months. Since then, I lost my job. It was a bad decision. I thought I liked hanging out with my friends and shit, more than going to work. It's pretty much true, but I need a job. I need money. I have a lot of shit I need to pay for. I love money too much to not be working. Tomorrow I'm going to this place in La Salle, to get a job. They said they would get me a job. I'd be making one hundred dollars a day. The only thing that sucks is that it's really long shifts. But I think I'm up for it.
Umm. I'm supposeably still moving to Arkansas with my boyfriend soon. I'm soo freaking excited! I just can wait to live with him!
Current Location: Brandi & Josh's House
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Jamie Madrox - Get 'Em
29 April 2009 @ 12:47 pm
I did something really stupid, and I sort of, kind of regret doing it.

I've been with my boyfriend, JT, for about a year and four months now.
I'm so in love; I wouldn't want to picture my life any other way.
Being in love with, JT, has been amazing. It's been the best times of my life.
Sometimes I get scared that things aren't going to work out the way I want them to.
I know his family is planing on moving to a different state this summer.
This really worries me that maybe we won't be together after that.
I truly have no idea what's going on with all of this.
I haven't really been told too much, but I hate talking/thinking about it.
Right now, if I could have anything in the world, it would be to be with him forever.
I wouldn't want a new car, money to pay my bills, a new house, or anything else.
I would just want to choose to be with JT for the rest of my life.

My family thinks I need to date more guys, but I don't see the point in that.
When I was younger, dating wasn't something I was interested in.
It wasn't until I was seventeen that I became interested in dating someone.
Truthfully, I've only had five boyfriends, including the guy I'm with now.
Don't get me wrong, I've been on a lot of first dates; more than I can count!!
I've just never been interested in taking anything further than that.
The four guys I've dated before, JT, well.. let's just say they were all mistakes.
I look back on my past, and I have no idea what I was thinking!
I've always attracted the bad-boy-meets-Adrian-Grenier type of guys.
After I broke things off with, JK, I told myself I wasn't going to date anymore.
Well, not actually anymore, just not date for a long time. Ahhaha.
When, JT, called me up, and we hung out, and after he asked me to
be his girlfriend.. I didn't have to strength to say no to that.
And I'm soo fucking glad I didn't have that kind of strength in me.
Because if I would have said no, like I told myself I should do,
I wouldn't have had the best times of my life, and be with the right guy.

I don't listen to what anyone tells me about my relationship anymore.
I've got to the point where I'm so sick of hearing all these negative things.
Nobody but me can see how I see my relationship with, JT, is right now.
I don't need to know what anyone else's opinions are. I just don't care.
But I do care about how I feel, and that's the only thing that should matter.

Of all the guys I've been with, I've lasted the longest in a relationship with, JT.
I thought six months was a long time, but this over-a-year thing is long!
I know, JT's, longest relationship was three years. I really want to beat that.

I've had this thought going on in my head that I want to be engaged.
That doesn't mean I want to get married right now, because I don't.
I've known people that have been engaged for years before that get married.
That's what I, right now, want to do. It was just make me really happy.
I am happy right now, but being engaged is a really big step that I want to take.
I wouldn't just make us boyfriend and girlfriend, it'd make us fiances.
I don't want to get engaged, because everyone else is doing it,
I want to do that because I already know who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
That might sound really crazy, but it's just something I can feel.
I know it's the right thing.

I went to the store yesterday and brought a blank card.
I had this crazy idea in my head that I was going to ask, JT, to marry me.
AHAHHAAAHAHHAHAHHA! Yeah. I'm fucking stupid right!
Well, I wrote in the card, and he read it when I went to his house.
I did have a feeling in the back of my head that I wouldn't hear what I wanted to.
And that's exactly what happened. I got turned down by it.
I can understand that just because I want something doesn't mean he does to.
And I can always understand that he doesn't want to get married now.
I really don't want to get married right now either. I want to wait.
I could wait 5 or 10 or how many ever years he wanted to wait.
I just think being engaged is different than that.
It's just a step above dating, and a step below marriage.
I think it's just making the commitment we have stronger.

I shouldn't get so upset about this, but I have.
Maybe I'm not thinking right. Maybe I should just wait.
It's just that I really don't want to wait any longer.
Current Music: Beyonce - Halo
10 April 2009 @ 09:25 am
This is not happening. This can't be true. Stop freaking out.

I don't know what's going on with my body right now.
I haven't had my period this month, and I'm not sure why.
Part of my thinks I could be pregnant, and the other part doesn't.
For some reason, I really don't think I'm pregnant.
I know it's possible, but I just don't think it could happen to me.
I feel like I have cramps, but I'm not starting my period.
I really don't know what's going on right now.
I figured if I don't start by next Friday, I'll take a test.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
09 April 2009 @ 07:01 pm
I woke up very early this morning to get to IVCC on time.
My aunt pick my grandma and I up at six o'clock this morning.
I figured that gives us time to get there and even more time to get in line.
When we all got to IVCC before seven; we were the first ones there.
We all sat in the college waiting for everyone to get set up.
A little before eight o'clock, the school set up there computers.
Yesterday, I tried registering online, but didn't know I had a Web Advisor.
Today, I found out I did. I was pissed, because I could have done this yesterday.
When I logged into the Web Advisor, with help, the class was already full.
If I would have known yesterday, I would have been able to get into the class.
I'm so fucking pissed. I wanted to take this class so bad. I've been waiting.

When I got home, I wanted to keep my mind off of all of this.
I went to my new friend, Hollie's house. She's a great friend.
We spend the day together. It was actually really, really fun.
She cleaned in the morning, and ordered us food when she got done.
We met her boss, around one o'clock, and went the Staples.
We all went back to H's house and played video games.
I had a blast. I'm really glad I met her.
Current Mood: calmcalm
05 April 2009 @ 02:03 pm
I finally got WOW set up last night. It took forever.
This morning, when I noticed it was done I started playing.
I really hope my boyfriend's happy that I'm playing now.
I wasn't too sure if I would like the game,
but I once I started playing I really enjoyed it.
I'm leveling up as fast as I can. I'm lvl 4 right now.

Umm. It was a few weeks ago, I brought up a certain subject to J.
I feel like since he's been playing this game he's not interested in me.
Well, that might not be true. That's just how I feel.
I go to house a few times a week for a couple hours.
Every time I go over there he's playing World of Warcraft.
I shouldn't have to be the one to tell him to stop playing.
I just feel like he should know not to play when we're together.
I feel extremely selfish that I even brought this up.
I just think there's so much time in this world to play.
I don't get to see my boyfriend that often.
It just means a lot to me, when we hang out together.
Well, hanging out when he's not wrapped up in a video game.
I know it's his favorite thing to do; I just want my time too.
I know if he came over to my house and I just sat on the
computer the whole time, he wouldn't want to stay.
I wouldn't do that, because I completely understand that.
I just hope that he listens to me, and understands where I'm coming from.
I just want to spend time with my boyfriend!
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
04 April 2009 @ 03:20 pm
A chemical imbalance is a cause of mental illnesses.
The basic concept is that neurotransmitter imbalances
within the brain are the main causes of psychiatric conditions
and that these conditions can be improved
with medication which corrects these imbalance.
In the 1950s the monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs)
and tricyclic antidepressants were accidentally discovered
to be effective in the treatment of depression.

Individuals with depression lose chemicals like serotonin and dopamine.

In recent years, scientists have developed a novel theory of what falters
in the depressed brain. Researchers argue that the brain’s cells are
shrinking and dying. This theory has gained momentum in the past few months,
with the publication of several high profile scientific papers. The effectiveness
of medication, these scientists say, has little to do with the amount of
serotonin in the brain. Rather, the drug works because it helps heal our
neurons, allowing them to grow and thrive again.
03 March 2009 @ 11:30 am
Every time you say my name,
a piece of me falls into place.

I have no direction in my life,
and I've never been happier.

Hold on to something good,
and don't let it go.

Be with someone who
knows what they have
when they have you.

I guess you're right. I'm afraid.
I am afraid to put my guard down.
I'm afraid that if you know who
I am, you don't feel the same.
And I'm afraid that once my
barrier is defeated,
and I'm comfortable,
you'll walk away.
Current Mood: artisticartistic