I did something really stupid, and I sort of, kind of regret doing it.
I've been with my boyfriend, JT, for about a year and four months now.
I'm so in love; I wouldn't want to picture my life any other way.
Being in love with, JT, has been amazing. It's been the best times of my life.
Sometimes I get scared that things aren't going to work out the way I want them to.
I know his family is planing on moving to a different state this summer.
This really worries me that maybe we won't be together after that.
I truly have no idea what's going on with all of this.
I haven't really been told too much, but I hate talking/thinking about it.
Right now, if I could have anything in the world, it would be to be with him forever.
I wouldn't want a new car, money to pay my bills, a new house, or anything else.
I would just want to choose to be with JT for the rest of my life.
My family thinks I need to date more guys, but I don't see the point in that.
When I was younger, dating wasn't something I was interested in.
It wasn't until I was seventeen that I became interested in dating someone.
Truthfully, I've only had five boyfriends, including the guy I'm with now.
Don't get me wrong, I've been on a lot of first dates; more than I can count!!
I've just never been interested in taking anything further than that.
The four guys I've dated before, JT, well.. let's just say they were all mistakes.
I look back on my past, and I have no idea what I was thinking!
I've always attracted the bad-boy-meets-Adrian-Grenier type of guys.
After I broke things off with, JK, I told myself I wasn't going to date anymore.
Well, not actually anymore, just not date for a long time. Ahhaha.
When, JT, called me up, and we hung out, and after he asked me to
be his girlfriend.. I didn't have to strength to say no to that.
And I'm soo fucking glad I didn't have that kind of strength in me.
Because if I would have said no, like I told myself I should do,
I wouldn't have had the best times of my life, and be with the right guy.
I don't listen to what anyone tells me about my relationship anymore.
I've got to the point where I'm so sick of hearing all these negative things.
Nobody but me can see how I see my relationship with, JT, is right now.
I don't need to know what anyone else's opinions are. I just don't care.
But I do care about how I feel, and that's the only thing that should matter.
Of all the guys I've been with, I've lasted the longest in a relationship with, JT.
I thought six months was a long time, but this over-a-year thing is long!
I know, JT's, longest relationship was three years. I really want to beat that.
I've had this thought going on in my head that I want to be engaged.
That doesn't mean I want to get married right now, because I don't.
I've known people that have been engaged for years before that get married.
That's what I, right now, want to do. It was just make me really happy.
I am happy right now, but being engaged is a really big step that I want to take.
I wouldn't just make us boyfriend and girlfriend, it'd make us fiances.
I don't want to get engaged, because everyone else is doing it,
I want to do that because I already know who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
That might sound really crazy, but it's just something I can feel.
I know it's the right thing.
I went to the store yesterday and brought a blank card.
I had this crazy idea in my head that I was going to ask, JT, to marry me.
AHAHHAAAHAHHAHAHHA! Yeah. I'm fucking stupid right!
Well, I wrote in the card, and he read it when I went to his house.
I did have a feeling in the back of my head that I wouldn't hear what I wanted to.
And that's exactly what happened. I got turned down by it.
I can understand that just because I want something doesn't mean he does to.
And I can always understand that he doesn't want to get married now.
I really don't want to get married right now either. I want to wait.
I could wait 5 or 10 or how many ever years he wanted to wait.
I just think being engaged is different than that.
It's just a step above dating, and a step below marriage.
I think it's just making the commitment we have stronger.
I shouldn't get so upset about this, but I have.
Maybe I'm not thinking right. Maybe I should just wait.
It's just that I really don't want to wait any longer.
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